The first day of the month is always exciting and refreshing. It always seems to give me a different feeling each time. And I always love it.
This month it’s as twice as exciting because I’m celebrating so many accomplishments. First off my birthday is tomorrow but I’m also celebrating the fact I will be going to my dream college this fall. I’ll be leaving an old path to start a new one.
For the past 3 yrs I was so scared and nervous about the fact that it may not happen. That I may not be get to go to my first choice school. But I did it I got in. And I’m having all these mixed emotions. But the one emotion I’m feeling is relieved because I over came all this stress and so many anxiety attacks its unbelievable that I’m at a finish line ready to begin a new race.
A few months who I started a new job not knowing what it had in store for me. Not knowing how well I was going to do. That I look back now and think I’ve managed to overcome my fears from last year.
This month holds so much of my future it actually excites me a little too much. I want to say happy birth-month too all of you who have a special day coming up. And I hope with each and every year it only gets better. Have a great month y’all.
As I’m sitting here the week before finals I’m walking around campus taking it all in. Glancing around the areas I made some memories at and the classrooms I made some long lasting pals.
Trying to hold onto every moment I’m getting. To not cry because I’m leaving people I want to hold onto. Who knew it was all gonna be so bittersweet? Because I sure as hell didn’t.
I look back 3 yrs ago when this chick walked into the campus that she thought she was gonna hate. I mean I don’t love it but I like it….well now I do. I remember that I thought I could walk in my black heeled boots all day HAHA that sure bit me in the butt.
But honestly I’ve learned so much from this school and the people that it has thrown at me.Crazy to even believe I’m leaving to extend to my education haha. I’ve learned to go for whatever it is you want. To throw yourself at every opportunity because once you miss your chance it will no longer be there. I’ve learned how to make myself more interesting on and off paper. I’ve learned that not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay.
I’ve learned that I can actually work well with others. I’ve also learned I’m a great leader more than a follower even though at times I just want to sit back. I’ve learned that I may never achieve the dream of NOT Being a Last minute Lucy. Some habits are just permanent I guess.
I want to thank the school the people I met there for making me a better version of myself. When I look back to who I used to be all I can say is whoa. Some traits stayed which is good because I wanted most of them too. The others I really didn’t want I’ve managed to make them more efficient and effective in my life.
Writing this is making all of this way more bittersweet. Like it’s happening this is actually a real thing. For those of you who know me, know I’ve waited 3 yrs for this moment to arrive. And now that’s it here, actually happening I find myself holding onto everything knowing that when my last day comes I’m not gonna want to leave and let go. There’s not much to say or do but thank you to all of you who have supported and encourage me to keep going. That means so much to more than you all will ever know. Till than.
1 a.m. and I just came home from being with someone else that isn’t you. The shame it taunts over me like a scent I can’t get rid of.
EVERY time I said his name yours almost came out EVERY single time. When I looked up at him or looked into his eyes all I could see were his. I watch his hands go on me thinking why aren’t they yours.
I want you so bad. But knowing if I am on your mind like the way your on mines it keeps me up. Your voice haunts me replaying all the moments we’ve had together. You looking at me, me looking at me.
I close my eyes wishing that when they open it would be you but every time I’m wrong. Hoping that when I graze my fingers through his hair that it would be yours. I crave your affection and attention. Till next time.
Dear San Francisco,
When I think about the places that make me happy and feel like home your the second half to my first thought. I never thought I could be so in love with a city. Practically for my entire life you are a consist place I always go back to.
Every time I go back to you I get the same emotions and it’s a mixture between happiness and excitement. Seeing that the place I’ve visted since I was a little girl and having all those memories. It’s an absolute pleasure and brings me so much life. It’s crazy to know a place so well and Not even grow up in it.
You carry such an important aspect in my life. Friends and family, I mean I don’t care for some family there but for the most part you carry my godparents, cousins, and nephews.
You know what’s so funny is that I’m closer to the family I have over there and have such an important bond with them more than the family I have over here that lives around me. I feel like they actually care for me and I can let my guard down with them. That means so much. My love for them is so strong and wonderful I’m proud to have a family like that. That’s why the last name Olague is special because it’s a bond and mixture like no other.
San fran you Will always be somewhere I can call home and feel like I am. Don’t know if it’s because you have my family or because I’ve made friendships that have lasted. Or because you carry such beauty all around you.
I go back every time never wanting to leave but knowing that I have to. How lucky am I to have known you pretty much my entire life? I’d say I’ve lucked out. You are such a gem to be take in. I always have the most amazing, beautiful, unexpected journey when I go back to you that’s makes you so enticing. That what makes me come back. You are my home away from home and you have my gratitude for that.
From the girl who was raised from L.a. to The Bay.
Lately there has been so many harsh and cruel things going on around the world. Things that we don’t need to have. Some of those things have affected us mentally and personally. Regardless of what’s being done and said that’s negatively. There are just a few choice of words you might need to hear to change that.
So I’m gonna start by telling you all the things you are not.
* you are not the opinion of somebody who doesn’t know you.
*you are not damaged goods just because you’ve made mistakes before.
Now This is what you are
*You are special
*You are amazing
*You are beautiful
*You are your allowed to make mistakes as long as you fix them the next time
She knew. Nothing was said but you could feel it. The way they were towards each other. The emotions weren’t the ones she would normally feel. She thought she was strong enough to finally let him go and go on with her life. Truth is she hurt so badly she kept in the tears felt the sharp pain in her chest and wanted more. She wasn’t sad though all these emotions were all coming from her feeling so pissed off and all that anger. From him not doing anything and just left her hanging.
He knew. He saw what was happening, never got the nerve to say what he kept inside. He let her slip away even though she needed the kind of love he gave. He wanted her as well yet he still let things happen the way they did. He didn’t know it took everything in her to not go back to him. She didn’t look at him the way she used to. Effort was gone and so was she.
And in the end they both lost.
Over the years I’ve managed to learn a talent I was ALWAYS terrible at. LEARNING HOW TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT. If you know me there’s one thing I was horrible at that was it. You would thinks with the amount of compliments I gave out I would be a pro at taking them well HAHA that unfortunately was not the case for this girl.
I guess with the mouth I have it was no question that giving out compliments was second nature to me. But for some reason when anyone gave one out to me well I would get red, shy, mumble “Oh thank you” or smile politely because I was just so flabbergasted. Unfortunately as I got older I learned that I need to learn how to take one well.
Imagining the fact that I could act the same way as I got older well it made me cringe. So I decided that every time I got one I would experiment with different ways of taking it until there was one thing that just started feeling so natural.
Until one day all that changed. For those of you who don’t know my past my faith in God didn’t get restored until about 3 yrs ago after i reconnecting with an old friend. She changed me for the good but also made me see that the world in a different perspective.
That friend decided to take me to a bible study that was also her first time to. Well little did I know that night was gonna take me to bed with my heart full of sunshine and the cheesiest little kid smile I ever did have.
I learned that night that all of us as individuals have had such different pasts but the one thing we have in common is that because of our past it lead us to come together that night. We did this little thing were we tell someone who stood out to us and tell them something beautiful.
Well joke was on me. I had a few of those amazing people tell me something that just put me on cloud nine. “One word that comes out of you is BEAUTIFUL” and “You have a beautiful soul”. Never in my life did that word make me cry out of so much kindness and love I felt that day. Still makes me happy and smile. Not because that word is so nice to hear but because it was a word that I had never heard in that sentence that was said to me.
To those people who said to me You will forever have my gratitude and are a blessing to making me feel so wonderful you are lovely and thanks to them though I’ve learned to give out compliments the actually mean more than looks ever will. Thank you thank you thank you for those precious words. Oh and it’s great to be back.