Dear San Francisco,
When I think about the places that make me happy and feel like home your the second half to my first thought. I never thought I could be so in love with a city. Practically for my entire life you are a consist place I always go back to.
Every time I go back to you I get the same emotions and it’s a mixture between happiness and excitement. Seeing that the place I’ve visted since I was a little girl and having all those memories. It’s an absolute pleasure and brings me so much life. It’s crazy to know a place so well and Not even grow up in it.
You carry such an important aspect in my life. Friends and family, I mean I don’t care for some family there but for the most part you carry my godparents, cousins, and nephews.
You know what’s so funny is that I’m closer to the family I have over there and have such an important bond with them more than the family I have over here that lives around me. I feel like they actually care for me and I can let my guard down with them. That means so much. My love for them is so strong and wonderful I’m proud to have a family like that. That’s why the last name Olague is special because it’s a bond and mixture like no other.
San fran you Will always be somewhere I can call home and feel like I am. Don’t know if it’s because you have my family or because I’ve made friendships that have lasted. Or because you carry such beauty all around you.
I go back every time never wanting to leave but knowing that I have to. How lucky am I to have known you pretty much my entire life? I’d say I’ve lucked out. You are such a gem to be take in. I always have the most amazing, beautiful, unexpected journey when I go back to you that’s makes you so enticing. That what makes me come back. You are my home away from home and you have my gratitude for that.
From the girl who was raised from L.a. to The Bay.
Lately there has been so many harsh and cruel things going on around the world. Things that we don’t need to have. Some of those things have affected us mentally and personally. Regardless of what’s being done and said that’s negatively. There are just a few choice of words you might need to hear to change that.
So I’m gonna start by telling you all the things you are not.
* you are not the opinion of somebody who doesn’t know you.
*you are not damaged goods just because you’ve made mistakes before.
Now This is what you are
*You are special
*You are amazing
*You are beautiful
*You are your allowed to make mistakes as long as you fix them the next time
She knew. Nothing was said but you could feel it. The way they were towards each other. The emotions weren’t the ones she would normally feel. She thought she was strong enough to finally let him go and go on with her life. Truth is she hurt so badly she kept in the tears felt the sharp pain in her chest and wanted more. She wasn’t sad though all these emotions were all coming from her feeling so pissed off and all that anger. From him not doing anything and just left her hanging.
He knew. He saw what was happening, never got the nerve to say what he kept inside. He let her slip away even though she needed the kind of love he gave. He wanted her as well yet he still let things happen the way they did. He didn’t know it took everything in her to not go back to him. She didn’t look at him the way she used to. Effort was gone and so was she.
And in the end they both lost.
Over the years I’ve managed to learn a talent I was ALWAYS terrible at. LEARNING HOW TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT. If you know me there’s one thing I was horrible at that was it. You would thinks with the amount of compliments I gave out I would be a pro at taking them well HAHA that unfortunately was not the case for this girl.
I guess with the mouth I have it was no question that giving out compliments was second nature to me. But for some reason when anyone gave one out to me well I would get red, shy, mumble “Oh thank you” or smile politely because I was just so flabbergasted. Unfortunately as I got older I learned that I need to learn how to take one well.
Imagining the fact that I could act the same way as I got older well it made me cringe. So I decided that every time I got one I would experiment with different ways of taking it until there was one thing that just started feeling so natural.
Until one day all that changed. For those of you who don’t know my past my faith in God didn’t get restored until about 3 yrs ago after i reconnecting with an old friend. She changed me for the good but also made me see that the world in a different perspective.
That friend decided to take me to a bible study that was also her first time to. Well little did I know that night was gonna take me to bed with my heart full of sunshine and the cheesiest little kid smile I ever did have.
I learned that night that all of us as individuals have had such different pasts but the one thing we have in common is that because of our past it lead us to come together that night. We did this little thing were we tell someone who stood out to us and tell them something beautiful.
Well joke was on me. I had a few of those amazing people tell me something that just put me on cloud nine. “One word that comes out of you is BEAUTIFUL” and “You have a beautiful soul”. Never in my life did that word make me cry out of so much kindness and love I felt that day. Still makes me happy and smile. Not because that word is so nice to hear but because it was a word that I had never heard in that sentence that was said to me.
To those people who said to me You will forever have my gratitude and are a blessing to making me feel so wonderful you are lovely and thanks to them though I’ve learned to give out compliments the actually mean more than looks ever will. Thank you thank you thank you for those precious words. Oh and it’s great to be back.
Today is monday. Honestly I’m so dead even with the amount of coffee I’ve already intaked.
How are you? Is been a while. I’m sitting here wondering why I haven’t managed to post something up like I usually do. Trying to not get sidetracked all over again. I’ve been so wrapped up trying to get my crap together that I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t actually putting anything together.
You see the way my mind works is if I don’t write anything for a while my mind gets all crammed up. I tend to have a lot to say regardless of how long it’s been. I like to jot down my thoughts because at times I get some really great ideas that tend to come from them. And they have me come up with things I can incorporate into my life.
So here I am jotting down everything I want to tell you guys. I don’t know how life works at all. I’ve learned that you just gotta take things the way they come. Acceptance is the first part of it. ACCEPTANCE. This word out of all has come to my mind so many times this year. It makes me devastated to see and witness the things I’ve heard and have been put into action.
Why are people so unaccepting of others I don’t think I’ll ever get why. I was taught that if that person regardless of who they are. If they are not hurting/bullying you, you have no right whatsoever to say or do anything to them that is wrong. I don’t care who you are. You have to learn how to accept people the way they are. If you learn to do that the easier not only your life gets but to others around you as well.
Acceptance plays a major role in our society. I don’t get why anyone is barely processing and learning how to just NOW. It’s always something that’s played a major role. But thanks to the half of the generation not caring it’s something that’s barely getting talked about.
Its our duty to inform not only generations before and after us but the generation that is now CURRENTLY playing a huge part of how we can rise at the moment. Take time to acknowledge one another. Say hello smile and be kind. Help when it’s needed and know when you are. Know that to see change you need to be the one to start it. Don’t just exist in life. Live in it fully. Be the reason why someone has a smile on their face. Because to accept everyone and the way life is, is one thing. But to change how others can accept is something greater.
It’s hard to shake you out of my life, not because I always think about you, it’s because I rarely do.
It’s all a memory, I remember it too well still so raw and sweet after all these days. Remember the moments we had just looking at each other and could have an entire conversation ?
All of it is long gone maybe I asked for too much. I hope you still have that voicemail. Why did you leave? Most importantly without saying goodbye. I keep thinking about it all trying to figure out what went wrong.
Everything fell apart, I’m here left broken a year later now knowing timing can’t heal this wound. I lost myself with you, your gone and I’m still missing. I keep writing about you. I don’t even know why anymore. Maybe it’s just a bad habit. I don’t know. Deep down I’m still hoping I run into you at the place we first met. I don’t go often anymore but when I do memories replay in my head. That’s the worst part because when I do all that comes out are tears and questions. I know you. It takes everything in me not to call. There were many times that I tried to run to you but I know that I can’t. There’s not a day where I don’t think about you. My best moments are when I was with you. You had the smile that made my day. I let go with you completely told you things I’ll never tell anyone. I hope your well. I hope you found what you were looking for. Did you become a mechanic? I hope you did.
I wish you had taken me with you. If I had known what I know now. If’s will be repeated. Kinda tragic in a way. I hope your doing great things you were destined for it.
There are things in our life that we’ll never have control of. If I made a list will that will never end.
So here I am late at night (when I have to wake up in 4 hrs haha oops) writing about something that terrifies me. One of the things I learned in my 21 years of living.
It terrifies me not,knowing where I’m going to be in 5 yrs. Even more though it terrifies what tomorrow’s gonna look like. I hate that i can’t control the things in my life. People not so much because that’s who we are but the actions the world gives me I hate it. But I’ve also learned to love with it.
I’ve learned to give people second chances, well depending on the topic. I’ve learned that not everyone’s going to like you and that’s okay. I’ve learned to choose happiness. Over all I’ve learned that if a friend treats you like crap to tell them. If they continue to do so they’re obviously not your friend and you should drop them.
I’ve learned that at in the end it’s all gonna be okay.