Just one more

We all remember that first day. The first time you locked eyes and were mesmerized by that one person. The time that made it feel like there was something more. There was something there you don’t know what but it was something special. You felt like you were in a dream but you weren’t. It was all real.

My moment with that person I’ll never forget it. Because for me it all keeps happening over and over again. I don’t know if he ever gets it or ever will but it’s refreshing to not even care. I don’t what part of it scares me to death to think that if I made the first move it wouldn’t be reciprocated or if I don’t do anything nothing will ever happen. There are chances and risks that we take at times when we are willing to either have it all or lose it all. I have the guts to just go for it but at times I think about how it will actually all go down. How in my head and my heart I really want it to work for once but my gut tells me that I’ll be wrong that it will make me want run and hide. It’s happened to me before other times of course in different ways but they come out with about the same outcome and result.

Isn’t that such a scary thought and fear? To have the fear of rejection not because you haven’t had it happen to you but because it has more than a few times that you fear it could happen again. Fear is always gonna be with me and that’s okay I can live with that I just don’t want to have it when it’s someone I know that can stay for long term in my life. I want to be able to feel like I can go for it not be scared and the outcome would be somewhat of what I wanted.

Thats the thing thought what I learned about love is that it’s fearless. It always will be. It’s such An incredible feeling when your in it that no matter what you feel your gonna go for it because you know in the end it will be worth it. For me I’m ready to dive in but I’m just so scared that the person I want and need won’t feel the same way. That they’ll tarnish me away. And for me well I’ll walk embarrassed wincing as I play it all back in my head. Knowing that after I do It will change everything for me.

Another thing is how and when. I’ve learned that you make you the right timing, day and place. It just doesn’t happen for you. You begotten to make it happen, it’s in the palm  of  your hands how and when you want to do it. So when I’m ready I’ll know it. When I know it’s time I’ll jump in. Till than.

Yours Always,

Kaffienatedkia

 

 

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