This post today is gonna be different than the usual. This past week I came across some personal things that shouldn’t have affected me but did because they were dodged at me. Have you ever deciced to end a friendship because it was damaging you in all aspects of your life? I chose to do this a while back and the person I decided to do it to is acting up and being really immature about it.
There were many reasons why I decided to drop her well many, in fact enough to write a novel but that’s another story for another day. One of the reasons I decided to bring this up is because during my relationship with her one of the things she never did with me and what our arguments were about was that she cared and treated better the friends that weren’t really friends or that never really tried with her. What got me upset is that she took me for granted. And when I recently saw what she did for a friend of hers it completely shook me. Because I k ow who that friend is who they really are to her but she will never see that. I feel like I have a right to say something because this relationship I had with her it was long and special.
In ways I probably would never want to end a friendship that was great. But it was hurting me and giving me anxiety in the worst possible ways. What sucks about all of this is even if I don’t want her in my life she damaged me by publicizing it for many people too see. I guess it goes to show how loyal and a total arse she was. I always talk about heartache and how relationships end most of the time their romantic ones. In reality though the ones that scar you are the ones with your dearest friends.
This person can go ahead and be immature and do childish actions. The only person she’s making look bad is herself. I no longer need a person that awful and gruesome in my life. I know my worth and who I am. I took a quick Trip out of state to this little place called Ohio. I needed to get out of here and leave everyone behind even if it was for a quick minute. To escape and recognize myself before I lost who I was and that thought itself frightened me.
So I left and found myself doing the things I enjoy the most. Reading my favorite novels at the city bridge or writing up a storm at a local coffee house. I loved every minute of it taking strolls downtown and seeing beauty that’s not the same as California’s. There was something about it that said I know who I am because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have gone to Ohio out of all places. I didn’t realize that I had never lost myself because I was too busy being scared of losing who I was. How ironic.
I took the trip to getaway and discover who I was again and the reason for that. I also realized why I ended that friendship with that specific person. All my life I’ve had friends who for no reasoni wanted to be friends with, well at least that’s what I thought. As I realized why I ended it I also realized that I pitied the person I ended it with. I felt sorry for who they were. I felt bad because they’re missing out on a better version of themselves. I can’t do anything about that but my condolences to that person. I hope they know what it’s like to act like an adult one day.