Not worth it

         In life you get to have these people in your life that are called friends. Friends are other people you get to choose to have in your life that are there for you. You can  have close friends or just casual ones. They don’t have to understand you, but they accept you for who you are & what you do. They love you unconditionally & support you on the things that make you a better version of yourself.
Lately I’ve begin to see who really does that with me. Who clearly accepts me & is there when I’m down or broken. As a friend to others I leave an open mind & try not to judge someone right away. Your past is your past & if it doesn’t affect me even better. One person specifically I wrote about this person a while back positively giving them the benefit of the doubt & yet again they proved me wrong. Chances are something I give a lot to people especially if I start seeing effort & kindness.
It’s funny how that happens right? The person you want the most in your life ends up being the one who hurts you & tears you apart. After they begged immensely to come back & show you they’ve grown & changed. This person was such a huge part of my life & apart of it when I had a lot of changes in it. So of course I’m not gonna give it a second though to let them back in. But theres where I made that mistake once again.
This isn’t the first time this person screwed me over & hurt me. It’s been a little more than few being honest. And now even jotting this down I feel like such a pathetic idiot. I was so hopeful & naive to actually believe someone like them could change and that fast. The worst part is that in the end I’m the one who has to pick up the mess, who has to deal with the feelings of being hurt, lied to & torn.
Ask me why I wanted to be friends with this person & I can give you the same answer I give everyone else. I didn’t know they were capable of all this. I didn’t know they screwed other people & didn’t care. I didn’t know that they had such a low self- esteem that they had to put others down to make themselves feel better about who they were & what they did. This person is the only who will be screwed in the end I got my confidence back & I found who I was again.
If they want to go ahead & try me again, they got another thing coming. I’m so upset at myself for letting this go too far. For making myself think that everything would not only be fine again but things would get better & we would be closer. This person rather associate themselves with people who aren’t gonna be there for them in the end. And that’s perfectly fine with me I was there too much for too long. I feel so disgusted & crappy how I let it all happen it was me who took them back in & who let them do all of this. But fights over & no one won. One thing did happen though & that’s the fact that they lost that one person who was the best thing that could ever happen to them & be in their life all the time. I hope none of you ever go through this because you’re by far better than this. Learn from my mistakes.
                            Yours Always,

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