Silent screams & wildest dreams

Looking at it now, it all seemed so simple. It’s funny how I find myself going back to you every single time. No matter the reason, time or place. No matter how far a part we are from each other. Everything with you was always so complicated. Shamelessly when something happened with you I always felt the worst. Cried my nights to sleep & always questioning where do we stand? Was there even a WE?

Months later I say to myself I moved on but here I am writing about you once again. We never were together but why does it feel like we were at one point? I  knew what I felt for you & in some way I knew what you felt for me. You never had to say anything but you didn’t have to. I don’t why I’m choosing to do this to myself. This is agony at its best. I try, try & keep on trying I never get anywhere though whether it’s moving on or letting go. All I know is everything happens for a reason. Even if we don’t like that reason. I don’t know if this was all in my head but I hope it wasn’t, because even if I’m going through this pain at least it was for a real reason & for someone who was worth it.

Going through this now though you gave me things that now I can’t live without. As you’re going through my head I don’t much anymore. You left things such a mess with me, now I’m here picking it up. This was all you wanted,I never wanted this, not like this. I don’t know what you want anymore but even if you came back & wanted this I’m far from gone. You decided everything for the both of us. Leaving without saying anything, not even a goodbye. I thought i was worth more than that. You hurt me & we both ended up losing because for whatever reason you decided to play me.

As much as it pains me to let go & move on I don’t know if I could ever do so. I want to let go of all of this more than anything. What ruins it for me is even a thought of you & it all just comes back to me but you never do. All I had was one question & you never answered it. I asked you why did you flirt with me consistently when you already have someone? I don’t get it. You should’ve better smarter than that to toy with someone who didn’t want you in the beginning to loving you without actually loving you. Because all of that all that happened was because of you. I never had feelings for you until you started playing with me. I don’t if I have anything else to say to you but I hope your doing well.

                                     Yours Always,

                                                            Kaffienatedkia

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