You always regret what you didn’t say

It’s 1 a.m & all I can think about is how I’m never gonna get a second chance. How I screwed up so much. How I didn’t do the one thing i know I should’ve done. There are certain things that I can no longer undo or things I can no longer say. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel tis way or if I should. Maybe it wasn’t meant too last.
One of the many things I learned at a young age is that even if the moment isn’t right you should always speak whats on your mind. Never go leaving something unsaid in the end you’re only hurting yourself. I learned that sometimes you will say something but it will come out all wrong & you’ll stutter & walk away embarrassed wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest. Timing is a funny thing ya know? Sometimes we will say something when we feel like it’s the right moment but someone ends up getting hurt or taking it the wrong way Or might be too much for some people.
Lately what I’ve begun to fear the most is letting the moment pass without saying anything. I think most of us fear reaching the end of our looking back at the moments we didn’t speak up. I know I do. I think you should. You don’t want to have a chorus of resounding voices saying  “I could’ve but it’s too late now”. I think you deserve to look back at your life & know that you decided to do or say something.  Knowing that you did & gave it all that you could.
If you can’t say it to them. Write it in a letter you’ll never send or in a book millions might read someday. Say it to yourself in a mirror. Whatever it is you have to say chances are someone else is gonna want to say them to. So why not you be the one to. This is al made up of words I didn’t say when the moment was right in front of me. Telling them what I meant to tell them in person.
To the girl who stole everything & nothing of mine. To the man who made my world dark for a while. To the beautiful boy who took my heart & completely shattered it. To my first love who I never thought would be a complete stranger. To the girl who only made promises but only broke them. To a group of people who tried to break me. This for all of you the people who all had one thing in common it was leaving.
   I may never get to tell you this in person but I realized I don’t have to, to say what I want you to know. There is a time for silence there is time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel & you so clearly know what you need to say you’ll know it.
        I don’t think you should wait I think you should
                                                     Speak now.
               Yours always- kaffeinatedkia

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