Let’s see how this goes.

There are times in my life where I’m really unsure of myself. Those are the times I tend to take the biggest jumps. Where I’m completely terrified & totally lost & have no absolute clue of whats gonna happen next. Most of these times when this happens theres usually another person involved in the progress. Thats probably why I’m terrified because I have to have that fear of not knowing how the other person is gonna respond or react. That’s something I wouldn’t be able to live with but you still kinda have to. Something recently happened to me where I had to man up & just go for it. Not care at all for what could happen after that. For one thing I totally did it, just not the way I wanted to. It always happens like that. The words you say are not the ones that come out of your mouth. It is what it is though I’m not gonna freak about it no more. It’s a little hard to believe. I’ve never met someone who’s ever treated me THIS badly.

This has taken so much out of me physically, mentally, & orally . I’m glad I did it though. All thats gonna happen now is moving on & getting over it which sucks but I’ve done it before so I could do it again. One thing that I find interesting is that getting over someone never gets easier or harder it’s always the same amount well so far. I still find myself either crying from either being so sad or just plain pissed off. It never works out & in a way I don’t feel like it ever will. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason even if it’s not a reason you’re okay with.

I’ve realized I can’t let someone or anyone put me that at that low of a point. I can’t have people tear me down like I don’t have anything confidence or strength. Thats not me not who I am. I know who I am, what I want & where Im going with my life, I don’t need that negativity in my life. It’s all bittersweet. The weirdest & hardest part is that I hardly knew this person. Only talked to them once & yet I found this person so enticing. I sure hope that’s not just me and it’s happened to someone else. Which I’m pretty sure that’s the case. I don’t know how this happened, but more relevant why does this happen? I can’t think of anything why does this person come into my life and do nothing? I just can’t comprehend it. I want this answered so badly but if it can’t happen why even deal with it? There is no point for this mess.

No point for all this agony & emotions if all thats gonna happen is well nothing. Isn’t that a funny thing about life? That sometimes certain things happen for a reason you don’t know or may never know. Sometimes you find out, sometimes you don’t. I for the most part try to find a reason if it’s just a simple and non explaining one. I feel like it’s dangerous to yourself to keep going back to certain things that happened to you. It can be traumatizing & keep you from moving on. You can’t have that happen to you, it’s not healthy. Why hold on to something that’s only gonna hurt you more. Moving on is probably one of the hardest things to probably ever do. Theres no time limit, no expiration & no guidelines, rules or tips & tricks. Eventually you will get there though. Moving on is like trying to forget something great happened to you & not having that again. One thing I know for sure It’s the best for you. Everything that happens it’s for a reason. It seems like the worst feeling in the world when you go through it. That feeling is normal, don’t worry about it. Just make sure you get through it & get over it.

Yours always- karina


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