THE LETTER I NEVER SENT.

I know your reading this thinking why am I writing to you? Why am I choosing to write to you. Why am I choosing to write this. To clarify this it’s ALL for me. I had to do an assignment where I have to choose a person that made me realize something important but the person couldn’t be close to me. Reason why I chose you out of everyone I know, You made me realize that What you do, what you say & how you do them Says a lot about how you are as a person & who you are.

You may think to yourself “I didn’t do anything too bad or is She taking this too far?” But the thing is what happened wasn’t a huge ordeal at all. Though it taught me that you have to be careful of the things you do. Because it sometimes affects not only you but the people in your life or people you may know. It says a lot about them as well, because they’re choosing to involve you in their life. So to begin with I’m sorry for everything.

So here it goes this is me saying everything I wanted, wish I had or words I take back. If I could do it all over again I would. When something goes the complete opposite of how you wanted it too, you only wish that you could redo it all over. Maybe go about it a different way. Try to say things differently, Choose your words wisely. Say the things you held yourself back from saying. I hate that now all of this will be held in the back of my mind until I move on. This is probably something that will make me think a lot more of the actions I do daily.

What happened between us it’s actually a burden for me. I don’t regret not telling you this in person, I do regret texting it to you. I don’t think there was a way for me to tell you. I felt that if I had done it when I saw you at work it would’ve been very unprofessional. I’m actually certain of that, it’s not something I would do. Remember when I left you a voicemail? I don’t know I felt about sending you one. I called hoping you wouldn’t pick up, so I could leave you one. It worked out for me. I do regret not actually thinking about what I was gonna say in it. I was a little conflicted & it hit me that not always “winging it” is always gonna work out for me.
I know now what I wanted to say, isn’t that how it always works? Once you say something that’s when it all becomes clear to you on how you feel & the words start to naturally come together on what you really meant to say.
When I left that voicemail I had said that I felt like we Both misconstrued the text & that is something I felt happened very quickly. I know I threw some crap at you & I fully apologize for that & take the partial blame for what happened. I sometimes let my anger & attitude get in the way of what I’m really trying to get through to people or say to them. When you threw my friend trying to get your number for me in my face I did feel really crappy. I also felt like you didn’t know what really happened so you shouldn’t have said that to me. She told me why she had done it after we left. Like I had said I didn’t know she was gonna do what she did. If you choose to believe that great, if you don’t sorry to hear that.  First & foremost I never had any thought’s of you, especially in that way. I hope you didn’t look to much into it because that’s awful for me like Wouldn’t you be embarrassed if someone thought you liked them but in reality That’’s was by far the least thought you had about them?

Well, I apologize for everything about that, there’s nothing I can do about that anymore. I also apologize for the second part of the text’s I sent to you, That was a little bitchy of me I must say. Again I wasn’t thinking straight, it would’ve been smart for me to just not text you back right then at the moment & wait till I had a clear mind but it is what it is. I don’t know what else to say about these past events that have happened but I felt & still feel like I have so much to clarify but not much to say. Again this isn’t for you it’s for me. If you don’t want to continue reading that’s perfectly understandable, If you do than you’ll probably have closure from this as well.

I know a lot of things were said between us. Things we both didn’t mean, & words that expressed how we truly felt. I don’t know what was going through your mind when you were reading the text’s I was sending you but I meant to say other words of mine that I actually meant. I didn’t know how to reply to what you had sent me. I don’t usually get into situations like these but I guess we go through them for a reason. I’m sorry your girlfriend thought that there was something going on between you & I. I don’t know what you had told her or what you didn’t tell her, but I never tried to romantically pursue you like whatsoever, so I can’t say much to that. I’m sorry if you thought I was. But all I was trying to do was to stop being such a introvert & get out of my comfort zone & make a friend. Guess that worked out for me right? I basically wrote this for clarity & I was scared that if I never told you a bit of what I actually meant I would regret it. So thank you if you read all of it, because this gave me a peace of mind.

Fearlessly,
-kaffienatedkia

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